I think I may have some issues with my body image.
I feel great - I have been working so hard and eating well and basically busting my butt to lose it! I've been slightly obsessed with my gut lately - mostly because I've always had a small stomach and lately it feels like it is rounded and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am pretty sure it looks that way due to digestive issues and have thus started a cleanse to see if that helps... Here is where the issue comes in.
When I look in the mirror I see my body changing and I can feel it changing, but I still feel fat and gross compared to where I want to be. But, I saw a picture yesterday of me running my 5-K and realized that I actually look quite thin and athletic. Why can't I make the distinction in real life as opposed to pictures? Was it just a good shot (well, a couple of good shots I guess) or is that my reality? Am I looking good?
I think one of the things that throws me off is that everyone gives me SUCH a hard time about wanting to lose weight - "you look great - you'll be too thin..." it is almost like they are jealous and trying to sabotage me. I just want to say "really? because I am effing 30 lbs overweight and I am TIRED of hearing you tell me I am being ridiculous" but I don't, because I do believe some people are just trying to be nice. I get so frustrated though that rather than encouraging me to keep on going, people are more worried about telling me why I should quit.
I don't mean to be negative about all of this - I actually think this realization is a good thing. Its a great reminder of having to keep the changing of my body and life in perspective. What is important to me may not be important to others, also, some people have very skewed body images - they think being overweight is what is right because others make such a huge issue about the "too skinny" body images we see on TV etc... Some people think it is better to carry extra weight.
And you know what - it may be ok - If I get to 155 or 150 and I am fit and 15-18% body fat and I feel good than I will stop, but in the mean time I am still about 168 and have weight to lose. Other peoples' opinions and ideas are skewing my body image and making me feel frustrated and bd about my progress.
I wrote all of the previous section Sunday and wanted to add some info for today (Monday). I worked a double today - 12 hours and burned a TON of calories. I also took over 16000 steps! Freaking CRAZY! The cleanse is going well so far and is almost done actually (Wednesday).
Here is an article for today too! For those of you who are runners check this out!!!
OH and the other thing I wanted to mention! I am going to start "couponing!" I am SO excited! I am going to havee to work hard to get deals on actual "healthy" food, because most coupons are for crap - but I am excited! I spent my entire Sunday clipping coupons! :) IT was actually fun! I will compile a list of coupons I am looking for specifically and if any of you come across them and don't plan to use them you can send them to me!! :)
Anyways, thanks for reading - feel free to comment!