About a million things...

Do you ever find yourself thinking about something and say to yourself: "I really need to write that down!" I find myself doing that so often. I work best off of lists, I am a talented writer and sometimes writing something is the only way I can really figure out how I feel about it.

I have had the feeling of "needing to write it down" several times this week... So, this blog may skip around a bit.

The first thing that happened this week that made me want to write actually induced a feeling of frustration and anger - feelings for me that rarely happen. I am actually pretty laid back (especially in my personal life) and to get really irritated by something usually indicates I should write it out.

SO, what got me upset? This:

So, I totally understand her face looks funny, so people are making fun of her, but the other thing they are making fun of is her being so fit. As if, having muscles and being in shape is disgusting. I constantly see women posting pictures of obese plus size models saying "oh, this is beautiful... anorexic is not beautiful...." and I always secretly feel like those women are trying to make themselves feel better for being obese, themselves. There are many beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful plus sized models... but they are not healthy. There are many beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful tiny models and many of them aren't healthy either.

Beyonce comes out at half-time and the first thing I said to JT was "wow, she looks amazing! Fit, healthy and beautiful! ANd she just had a baby a year ago" I was proud of Beyonce for being a great role model to women - she is clearly not too small, but she is obviously very healthy too. Then these damn meme's come out where everyone is making fun of her and changing her body out with the Hulk and olympic lifters. Why? I wish I could understand people. I have put on muscle since starting crossfit again, while still holding on to a layer of fat - in fact, i've put on about 10 lbs (of muscle Ill guess) and not lost fat... BUT, I do not look bulky or disgusting and I am SO FREAKING STRONG and FIT and feel so great. Why is that wrong?

I am assuming the reason I have not lost weight is because my eating just isn't good enough. JT and I have been grain free for more than 4 months and I haven't lost an ounce. My boss went gluten free about 1.5 weeks after me and she's down like 25 lbs. Im going to guess we've been eating too many calories to actually lose weight, though. So, we've decided instead of focusing on restricting ourselves and completely cutting out things from our diet, we need to focus on clean eating. (Seriously, how many times have I written this over the last couple years?) haha. I love it though. I love the fact that I am in the position to do whatever it is I want in terms of eating. I still feel very strongly that eating whole, clean foods is important - but for now, we're going to reincorporate gluten and cut down a hair on sugar and fat. I hope that will help us turn the corner. I am going to compete in festivus this year and I know i can do even better than last year.

Last but not least, Ive thought a lot about life this week. My Grandmother died 12 years ago this past Wednesday and it was a time for reflection for me. I thought about life, death and what I am doing to not only make an impact in this world, but also how I am enjoying the life I have. I do absolutely love my life, and I feel so lucky - but Ive decided I need to do more. Im not quite sure what that looks like yet, but I am going to start doing more with my time that I enjoy. I am going to work out even more (because I love it) go on more adventures and most definitely love more.

THanks for listening to the ramblings. :) Glad I wrote it out today! :)